Biff Alperson

Biff, one of the two main characters of the strip, is a former Moron County resident who is presently enrolled at Naobi University in San Antonio. Biff’s personality is somewhat difficult to gauge. He is obviously somewhat intelligent and caring for others, but tends to hide this aspect of his personality behind a mask of extreme idiocy and a tendency towards violence. He is a master of the Chinese martial art of “Hit Stuff With Stick,” and his prowess at videogames is matched only by that of his younger brother, Clyde, with whom he shares an intense sibling rivalry.

Biff’s closest friends at college are his roommate Chris, and his hallmates Steve and Carl. The four frequently take part in stereotypical wacky college hijinks, the most famous of which is when they attempted to run a wet bar out of Biff’s room only to be thwarted by Jacob, the RA. Biff was able to avoid punishment for this because, when the bar was discovered, he was back home in Moron County defending Clyde from bullies. Biff also has a strange relationship with Steve’s girlfriend and fellow videogame aficionado, Nina, which began to form after Biff saved her from crazed D&D players Lando and Lord Peen.

Most recently, Biff has been seen secretly playing D&D with Lando and Lord Peen while simultaneously attempting to teach them how to lead normal lives outside of their character sheets.

 

Clyde Alperson

Clyde, the other main character of the strip, attends Moron County Middle School with his friends Fred, Bobbes, and Francis. Like his older brother, Biff, Clyde is intelligent and caring for his friends and family, but often does and says things that can be perceived as idiotic. Although he does not share Biff’s fighting prowess, Clyde is more than a match for his brother at gaming. Clyde has an almost fanatical devotion to Nintendo, and has gotten into many arguments with other gamers because of this.

Clyde and his friends have had numerous adventures since Biff left for college. They routinely work for Karter, a local child genius, and occasionally accidentally destroy the town with his inventions. They also thwarted Cartoon Billy, an egomaniacal supervillain bent on using Francis for world domination. Clyde has adopted a super-intelligent turtle named Scooty, and has been targeted by school bullies Larry and Hawk for reasons unknown. Currently, Clyde and his friends are on a quest to rescue Scooty from an evil alien race known as the Grogians.

 

 

Norm Alperson

Norm is Biff and Clyde’s father, and head of the Alperson household. He is a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist who, due to a series of unfortunate coincidences and bad decisions, is currently a reporter for the Moron County Tribune. Unlike most balding, overweight fathers in cartoons, Norm is extremely quick-witted and is able to diffuse just about any unpleasant situation with a silver tongue and a calm demeanor. Although he loves his children and is very close to them, he remains largely oblivious to the more bizarre antics they partake in.

Despite his fall from higher fields of journalism, Norm found himself quite happy writing for the Tribune until recently, when David Barkley, the Tribune’s new editor, decided to make the Tribune into a supermarket tabloid. Norm, currently assigned to a story about aliens invading Moron County, is attempting to ruin Barkley by racking up as many expenses on his credit card as humanly possible. Norm has thus far used the card to buy a restaurant, an expensive new wardrobe, and a giant battle robot.

 

 

Booker Alperson

Clyde and Biff’s little brother, Booker is a spirited young four-year-old with a curious mind, a gigantic heart, and a serious case of ADD. He has an imaginary friend named Jabroni Joe that constantly gets him into trouble.

Besides his family and Jabroni Joe, Booker occasionally associates with fellow neighborhood boy Randy. However, Randy has not been allowed to play with Booker ever since they tried to start a lemonade stand and, with Joe’s influence, accidentally turned it into a prostitution ring.

 

 

Joyce Alperson

The mother of the Alperson family, Joyce cares deeply about her family and, like Norm, is oblivious to most of the surreal antics her children partake in. She is extremely protective of her children, particularly Booker, and often goes overboard when concerned about their welfare. She works as an aide to the mayor of Moron County , and is often forced to deal with the second-hand effects her family’s adventures have on the inner-workings of the city.