"That damn bastard tried to pet me and give me food pellets!"
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Dim
Dim is an angry midget confined to an electric wheelchair who works at the Moron County Tribune with Norm. He is extremely bitter and distrustful of just about everyone, with the exception of Norm and the rest of the Alperson family for reasons that he keeps to himself. Dim writes a weekly column for the Moron County Tribune entitled “Things That Should Die,” which has inspired more angry letters per week than any other feature in the history of the Tribune.
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"Mister Alpersooon, welcome back. We missed you... haha, get it? 'Cause your name sounds like 'Anderson.' You know, from 'The Matrix?'"
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David Barkley
The new editor in chief of the Moron County Tribune. Barkley has no prior experience as an editor, and used to be a network executive for Warner Brothers. He was fired for suggesting an Americanized anime adaptation of the Looney Tunes entitled “Loonatics,” which created such hostility amongst the viewing public that Warner Bros. nearly went bankrupt. Although he has no prior experience as an editor, Barkley is trying to spread his creative marketing abilities to the Tribune by turning it into a supermarket tabloid. Norm is currently trying to ruin him.
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"And that's when the Amish chased me from their farm place. I didn't know they were allowed to be angry. I thought it was an insult to their god..."
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Jabroni Joe
A magical flying purple monkey. Joe is Booker’s imaginary friend, and can only be seen by him. Joe does a lot of things to get Booker in trouble, such as drawing on things with markers, breaking Booker’s toys, peeing on Booker’s bed, encasing Norm’s computer in Jell-O, and converting Booker and Randy’s lemonade stand into a prostitution ring. Joe is also a heavy drinker, and is prone to ramble on and on about random subjects such as the Amish, the biting social commentary in Dragon Ball Z, or a place called “The Land that Only Yoshi Knows” where plot devices go to die when he gets intoxicated. In spite of these faults, Booker still considers Joe to be his best friend.
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"Oh boy! I hope prostitutes are some kind of candy!"
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Randy Kitashi
Taiya’s younger brother, and Booker’s best friend that lives in the same plane of reality that he does. Randy is somewhat reserved compared to Booker, although he still sees the world with the same naivety that every four year old does. Randy has not been allowed to play with Booker ever since Jabroni Joe turned their lemonade stand into a prostitution ring, but, after an extended punishment, will soon be allowed to see his friend again.
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"It's my delicious, tomatoey friend that doesn't judge me."
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Mike Fleedman
Moron County ’s resident paranormal investigator. Mike is the leader of the Alien Watcher’s Guild, and has been seeking to uncover evidence of extraterrestrials for years. He also has theories that NASA is actually an evil organization trying to take over the world, and presently fears that they have enlisted the aid of an alien race known as the Grogians to achieve this goal. His suspicions were confirmed when, after a hypnotic regression session with alien abductee Taiya Kitashi, his office was destroyed by an angry Grogian named Zaffod.
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